Unpacking Emotions: A Journey with Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s It’s Not Always Depression
When I stumbled across Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s It’s Not Always Depression, I felt an immediate spark of recognition. As someone who has navigated a fair share of emotional ups and downs, the title alone resonated; it beckoned an exploration of those hidden layers beneath what we often label as depression. Hendel, a psychotherapist utilizing Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP), offers an insightful perspective that aligns with the whispers of my own experiences. Thus began my journey into the profound yet approachable world of emotional healing.
At its core, Hendel’s book is a heartfelt exploration of the emotional landscape. Through riveting patient stories—like Sara’s struggle with assertiveness and Spencer’s battle with social anxiety—we uncover a shared truth: many of us are burdened not by chemical imbalances but by unresolved traumas, or as Hendel calls them, “small t traumas.” The realization that emotional pain often masks deeper truths is both liberating and deeply relatable. I found myself nodding along as she skillfully demystifies the very essence of our emotions, teaching readers how to listen to their bodies and recognize the core feelings that lie in wait.
One of the standout features of this book is the Change Triangle, a pragmatic tool designed to guide us back to our authentic selves. This framework not only helps identify defensive emotions like shame and anxiety but also leads us toward embracing core emotions such as joy, sadness, and fear. It’s akin to having a friendly compass when traversing uncharted emotional territory. In my own encounters with anxiety, this model helped illuminate the path toward what Hendel describes as an “openhearted state”—a place filled with calm, compassion, and clarity.
Hendel’s compassionate writing style is both accessible and illuminating. The pacing felt deliberate, inviting me to pause, reflect, and engage with my own feelings as I read. I was particularly struck by moments where she invites readers to practice exercises and reflect on their emotions, transforming an otherwise theoretical text into a very personal and dynamic experience. Her candid anecdotes and the empathetic way she shares her patients’ journeys add a layer of warmth that brings the material to life.
One line that stayed with me reads, “All emotions—even the painful ones—have value.” This simple yet profound statement perfectly encapsulates the book’s ethos. It encourages readers not to shy away from difficult feelings but to lean into them, to explore their roots, and in doing so, discover a richer, more authentic self.
As I closed the book, I felt a profound sense of connection—not just to Hendel’s insights but to a community of readers who share this quest for emotional understanding. It’s Not Always Depression is a gift for anyone searching for clarity on their emotional journey, particularly those grappling with anxiety, depression, or trauma. Whether you’re a layperson curious about emotional health, or a helping professional seeking new insights, this book will inspire you to dive deep into the ocean of your feelings.
In a world that often shuns vulnerability, Hendel’s work is a brave and necessary reminder: it’s okay to feel, to process, and ultimately, to heal. The journey toward understanding our emotions is challenging but worth every step. This book wasn’t just a read; it was a transformative experience—one I believe many will benefit from, just as I did.